A Belated Goodbye to Brando
Kid Nougat pays a
fitting tribute to the greatest actor of his generation.
And very likely the greatest snacker the world has ever seen.
Fat people – like most people – enjoy
snacks, no doubt. And as “the actor in the WASAW family” (check the
homepage – I’m not making that up), I get sad anytime
an actor dies. So when it came to Marlon Brando, I was doubly sad. By the looks
of him at the time of his death, the man liked snacks.
Brando was 80 when he died on July 1st. Unlike James Dean, unlike Marilyn, he
was left to live and live, left to literally balloon and outgrow the world.
Here’s Brando on his size:
“I'm not fat by nature. I got fat mostly because I loved brownies, ice cream and
everything else that makes you fat. One reason for this, I suspect, is that when
I was a kid, I'd come home to find my mother gone and dishes in the sink. I'd
feel low and open the icebox, and there would be an apple pie, along with some
cheese, and the pie would say: ‘C'mon, Marlon, take me out. I'm freezing in
here. Be a pal and take me out, and bring out Charlie Cheese too.’ Then I'd feel
less lonely.”
Okay, maybe that’s weird. (Charlie Cheese?) But the guy WAS weird. And I think
we’re ALL weird, more or
less. I think interesting people let their weirdness out; I think most of us
leave it way, way in. Screw most of us! We suck! The world needs more Brandos.
The world needs to feel less lonely.
I loved him because he kicked ass as an actor and he loved to eat. According to
Jimmy Taylor, the costume designer on “Mutiny
on the Bounty,” Brando split 52 pairs of pants thanks to his ice cream
habit. (That’s six higher than my consecutive pop-out
record!) And on his island of Tetioroa, he ate what he called
"real-life Mounds Bars" - actual coconuts filled with
sun-melted chocolate. (Ka-ZAM!)
In one of his countless kick-ass scenes in “On
the Waterfront,” he explains to Eva Marie Saint how he
became a boxer, how his heart became hardened. She doesn’t get it. “Shouldn’t
everybody care about
everybody else?” she asks. Brando doesn’t overreact, he just examines her. “What
a fruitcake you are.” You can watch the scene over and over – it never gets old,
never gets stale. Much like fruitcake. (Which I’m sure he loved.)
An
excerpt from his 1994 interview with Larry King:
BRANDO
I want you to try one of these cookies.
KING
Are they fattening?
BRANDO
It's not going to make you fat. It's not going to do anything. Just give me a
reading of what it is.
So, yeah, I take my cues from Brando. I get a bit nuts from time to time. I act
like a jerk. I eat my snacks - they won’t make me fat. I know they won’t do
anything. I give WASAW readers a reading of what they
are. And I like to think that maybe Brando actually visited this site. Can you
imagine? That'd have been cool! (Unless, of course, he read a report by
Figaroo.)
Thanks Marlon. Snack on! Wherever you are.
Kid Nougat's
snack reviews
Snickers Almond Bar
Snyder's Mini Pretzels
Hershey's S'mores
Yodels
Reese's Fast Break
Willy Wonka Bottle Caps
Skybar
Harmony Snacks Swiss Mix
Stauffer's Ginger Snaps
Hot Tamales
Good & Plenty
Basil's Macaroon Cookies
Ruger Chocolate-Flavored, Sugar Free, Reduced Fat Wafers
Mars Bar
Zero Candy Bar
Joyva Joys
Mr. Goodbar
Hershey's Kisses
SunMaid Raisins
Peanut Butter M&Ms
Knott's Berry Farm Raspberry Shortbread Cookies
Mike and Ike COOL KIDS
Hershey's Whatchamacallit