OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT

Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee

Reviewed By: Kid Nougat

Location: Vending Machine

OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK:
Knott's Berry Farm Raspberry Shortbread Premium Cookies


PRICE: $.65

WEIGHT: 2 oz

DESCRIPTION OF SNACK:
A bunch of teeny bland-tasting "premium" cookies with a dollop of rock-hard raspberry paste smack-dab in middle.

SNACK LOOKS LIKE:
The flag of Japan.

SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 5.82 (sort of close to a 6, but not really -- try one; you'll dig
my meaning)

 

UPSIDE:

The cookies are pop-able. Just keep poppin' 'em in your mouth. Pop away, no one's gonna stop you. I'm not gonna stop you. Why would I wanna stop you? Do I even know you? Uh... I can't really think of an upside. Is
that okay?

DOWNSIDE:

The raspberry stuff is mucho-gummy. Hello? Who ordered the Krazy Glue? Not ME, homeboy!

1ST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Enriched Wheat Flour
Margarine
Sugar (which, ironically, is my nickname at the Emily Wench Home for the Aged)
Red Raspberries

LAST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Whole Eggs (yeah, yeah - thanks for the yolk, slick)
Baking Soda
Baking Ammonium
Salt

PACKAGING:

Clean and neat (or is it "neat and clean?" I can never remember). Classic fonts. An apropos raspberry-colored border helps sell the product. Kudos to the Norman Rockwell bastard who brainwashed me.

DO I RECOMMEND YOU TRY THIS YOURSELF?

Yes I do. No I don't. Yes I do. No I don't. Yes I do. No I don't. Yes, I'd have to say no. No, I mean yes.
What was I talking about again?

CAN YOU USE THIS SNACK AS CHECKERS?

Yes you can. King me, baby!

HOW CAN THE PRODUCT BE IMPROVED?

Change the name to "Paul and Kiko's Slammin' Oldies" and make 'em taste like mini Mars bars.

SUM UP YOUR EXPERIENCE IN THREE WORDS OR LESS:

Nat King Cole.

 

Back for more snacks