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OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee

Reviewed By: Kid Nougat Location: Vending Machine, Stamford, Connecticut OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: Snickers Almond Bar PRICE: $0.75 WEIGHT: 1.76 oz. DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: A Snickers Bar without all those gawdamn peanuts!  This baby’s packed with almonds, milk chocolate, caramel and some world-class nougat. Each Snickers Almond Bar measures 4 inches in length, an inch in width and three-quarters of an inch in height. (Kind of like Charla from “The Amazing Race.”) SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 9 (Only “Nine” can give you an image like THIS!) UPSIDE: By now, you know I’m the King of Nougat. I’m like the Funkmaster Flex of Nougat. The Dalai Lama of All Things Nougatty. And the Snickers Almond Bar, which is actually more about nougat than almonds, scores a kick-ass nougatty upside. (A cross-section of the bar reveals that it’s three-quarters nougat.) If you love nougat as much as I do, call in sick to work tomorrow and spend the entire day eating these things. I AM NOT JOKING. DOWNSIDE: If you’re like me, you get emotionally attached to your snacks. I actually feel sad when I eat these babies. What did they ever do to me? Who am I, Jaws? What right do I have to eat them? The only downside is the sadness you’ll feel when you make them disappear in record time.

Image stolen from Mike's Candy Bar Wrapper site

1ST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Milk Chocolate
Corn Syrup
Sugar
Almonds

LAST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Milkfat 
Lactose (Make sure you’re tolerant before you chow down.)
Salt
Eggwhites
 

PACKAGING:

Pretty cool, I guess. The famous “SNICKERS” font is in evidence, along with a laid-back almondy color, kind of yellowish, kind of eggshell, kind of beige, kind of tan. Almonds are scattered about, and the bar’s announced as “NEW!” But where’s the nougat? Seriously, what a slight! If I worked for Mars, Inc., I would’ve called the bar the “Snickers Nougat Bar.”  (But then I would’ve been slapped and fired, so… it’s all good.) All-in-all, standardly stylish packaging. (“Snickers” has earned a good rep – why reinvent the wheel?)
 

DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):

Didn’t you read the UPSIDE?  What the heck is wrong with you?

WHAT FOOD GROUP DOES THIS SNACK FALL INTO?

The “Totally Bitchin’” Group, of which you need 2-3 servings daily.

WHY DOES OLYMPIC GYMNAST PAUL HAMM SOUND LIKE MICKEY MOUSE?

No clue.

DOES OLYMPIC GYMNAST PAUL HAMM LIKE THIS SNACK?

Not sure.

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