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Harmony Snacks Swiss Mix
OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By
WASAW
Snack Committee
Reviewed By: Kid Nougat Location: CVS OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: PRICE: $.99? DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: SSI RATING
(SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10):
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UPSIDE:
The combination of flavors and textures is inspired. It's like an edible "Real World" cast. (If you don't like a particular member of the Mix, throw it out of the house!) One mouthful may have chocolate overtones and
feature just a hint of peanut buttery goodness, the next may pack a raisin-filled punch... Trust me, baby - there's just no telling what's next!
DOWNSIDE:
There's a definite dork factor involved. First, there's the lame-o bag (see "PACKAGING"). Second, you can't help but look dimwitted as you shovel fake M&Ms and cashews into your pie hole. (FILM NOTE: the first draft of "Forrest Gump" had Hanks constantly munching the Mix.) I must point out that this downside is purely aesthetic. Don't be vain - snack away!
1ST 4 INGREDIENTS:
Sugar Coated Cocoa Centers
Raisins
Peanuts
Peanut Butter Chips (much better than reruns of "CHiPs")
LAST 4 INGREDIENTS:
Almonds
Cashews
Tamari ("Tamari" is an excellent stage name for a stripper; it's also the Japanese plural of "tomorrow"*)
Salt (an ingredient of Tamari, which, as you know, is the Japanese plural of "tomorrow"* and an excellent stage name for a stripper)
* "Tamari" is not really the Japanese plural of "tomorrow." It's still an excellent stage name for a stripper, though.
PACKAGING:
The bag is reprehensible. It looks like something an art school drop-out designed with an etch-a-sketch. There's a faceless circular teddy bear, an apple, a pineapple, a shell-shocked dinosaur, and floating jelly beans.
I'm nonplussed and slightly offended.
DO I RECOMMEND YOU TRY THIS YOURSELF? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):
Certainly. Have a bag on hand the next time you catch a flick. You'll be glad you did. The couple sitting in front of you, however...
WHICH SOUTH PARK CHARACTER WOULD LIKE IT BEST?:
Stan's Psycho-Killer Fish. The Mix is like high-octane fish food - just what a growing psycho-killer fish needs! Plus, uneaten portions will mesh nicely with the fishbowl's gravel.
HOW CAN THE PRODUCT BE IMPROVED:
The fake M&Ms only come in three colors: red, green and brown. Harmony Snacks should go all the way and add yellow, orange and blue. Then go even further by adding another color - a color unique to Swiss Mix!
