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Drake's Yodels

OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee

Reviewed By: Kid Nougat Location: Shell gas station, Greenwich, Connecticut OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: Drake’s Yodels PRICE: $1.00 WEIGHT: 3.3 oz. DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: Frosted crème filled chocolate cakes, says the wrapper. Well said. They’re logs of chocolate love, measuring roughly 2.5 inches in length and an inch in height. (By the way, if you really want to embarrass yourself at work, get caught measuring a Yodel. A tad tricky to explain to the no-nonsense boss type.) A cross section of the log features a hypnotizing swirl of cake and crème filling. (You’re getting sleepy and hungry! It’s got you in its power! Succumb to the power of the Yodel!) SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10):  10 (The Bo Derek of snacks! Wait, Bo Derek? Am I dating myself?) UPSIDE: Upside? Yodels are the best goddamn snack in the world, okay? Good enough upside for you? No? Well here’s more… Yodels are all about chocolate, cake, and crème – the hat trick of snacking nirvana! And speaking of hat tricks, each individually sold package gives you three – not two – Yodels to enjoy. That way, two Yodels are your meal and the third’s dessert! DOWNSIDE: Overeating. If you’re like the Kid, you’ll find yourself motoring through Yodels faster than Fox motors through reality shows. Uncensored by reason, I can eat 58 Yodels in one sitting. That’s two more than DiMaggio’s hitting streak! (The Baseball Hall of Fame has yet to return my calls.)

Image stolen from Hometown Favorites

1ST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Partially hydrogenated vegetable shortening
Sugar
Corn Syrup
Enriched bleached wheat flour (Bleached wheat? What’s next? Botoxed wheat?*)

LAST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Buttermilk
Vanillin
Potassium sorbate
Caramel color

PACKAGING:

I’m conflicted. “Yodels” is written in a friendly bubble-font, which I like, but I can’t quite make up my mind about the mostly clear wrapping. See, I fondly remember when Yodels were individually wrapped in a shiny silver Reynold’s Wrap type thing, rendering each log a special gift from the snacking gods. It’s very difficult to properly articulate how much I loved unwrapping a Yodel back in the day, so I’ll gladly take the lazy way out and not even bother.

I guess clear’s good – you can avoid buying damaged or stale-looking merch – but whatever. Lots of blue and orange going on, too (so that’s extra cool for Mets fans). The Drake’s duck is looking dapper in his chef’s hat – he’s holding a big spoon and laughing like crazy. Nice! That duck is AWESOME! (The summer boxed version of the packaging suggests you “EAT ‘EM FROZEN,” but that’s not for me. The duck kicks back in shades and a goofy cap. Did I not tell you he’s awesome?)

DO I RECOMMEND YOU TRY THIS YOURSELF? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):

Absolutely. Especially when you’re pissed or depressed. When I’m sad, I hit the Yodels big-time. I have an emotional comfort factor with Yodels that dates back to my formative years. Not picked for football? Yodels. Dissed by a hot chick? Yodels. Evidence that links me to the murder? Yodels.

IS THIS SNACK’S NAME THE PLURAL OF AN ANNOYING SINGING TECHNIQUE?

For sure! To “yodel” is “to sing by suddenly changing from a natural voice to a falsetto and back.”
Personally, I think anyone who yodels should be pelted with Yodels. Like THIS clown!

HOW CAN THIS PRODUCT BE IMPROVED?

A miniature can of Redi-Whip should be supplied with each package. You can never have enough crème with your Yodels!

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU ADD 5 YODELS TO 3 YODELS, THEN SUBTRACT 6 YODELS?*

2 Yodels.

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