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OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee
Reviewed By: Kid Nougat
OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK:
DESCRIPTION OF SNACK:
(SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10):
1ST 4 INGREDIENTS:
LAST 4 INGREDIENTS:
Carrageenan (Click here for awesome carrageenan news!)
Very very brown. Incredibly brown. Browner than bad, bad LeRoy Brown, baddest man in the whole damn town. “S’mores” is knocked out in white, and thank God for that. If written in brown, you wouldn’t see it. You’d never find it! You’d live your whole life without ever trying one! (Kid’s FREE Advice: Try New Things.) A picture of the candy bar (with a bite taken out to properly illustrate its internal appeal) is lamely displayed to the right of “S’mores.” Very uninspired. Feels very last-minute, very slapped together. (Much like this report.) The bar is advertised as “NEW!” Oh yeah? TOO LITTLE TOO LATE my corner-cutting lazy-ass graphic designer friend!
DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):
Hmmm. Let me see. Tough call. Not really. This is a very tricky bar to recommend. (Straight up, I take my recommendations quite seriously, unlike Figaroo, who actually recommends Flamin’ Hot Fritos. What the?) Fans of real s’mores, the kind you make while camping, will be disappointed. Non-fans will also be disappointed. That’s a lot of disappointed folks. How can I willingly recommend such a disappointing treat?
Like THIS, that’s how!
WASN’T THIS SNACK A CARTOON WITH THOSE LITTLE BLUE DUDES?
No. Those little blue dudes were Smurfs, not S’mores.
HOW CAN THIS PRODUCT BE IMPROVED?
I’ve given this a lot of thought and I’ve reached a troubling conclusion. This product CAN’T be improved. It just is what it is: a slightly above-average snack. You can’t accurately duplicate the feelings and sensations of constructing and eating a s’more while telling ghost stories in the woods. You just can’t! It’s noble to try, but failing miserably like a punk-ass bitch can’t be good for Hershey’s image. Back to the drawing board you corporate meatballs!
SUM UP YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH ONE VOWEL AND ONE CONSONANT:
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