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Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Madness!

It's clear to me that some crazy Hershey's hootenanny is running the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup asylum these days. Ashton Kutcher, for instance. Maybe Dick Cheney.

Why else would you mess with an American classic as greatly or as often as Hershey's has in the past 12 months? First, the introduction of White Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups. Atrocious. Turns out, white chocolate and peanut butter go together like Jessica Simpson and long division.

Then came the Inside-Out Peanut Butter Cups. Insane from any angle. Not horrible-tasting, but horribly ill-conceived. "Hey, everyone - let's start wearing our underwear outside our clothes in the hopes people will notice and love us!" Yeah, this is sounding more and more like something Kutcher would do.

Finally, we were introduced this summer to three more varieties - Chocolate Lovers, Peanut Butter Lovers and Fudge. Fudge? Even Hershey's seemed embarrassed on this one - Fudge was noticeably absent from the choices in Reese's "What kind of Reese's Lover Are You?" marketing ploy that ended this past autumn. Apparently, if you're a Fudge lover, your vote just doesn't mean anything. (Reese's Fudge - the Dennis Kucinich of candy bars.) I'm just waiting for the press release from Hershey's: "Oops, sorry - a Fudge-flavored peanut butter cup was an April Fools prank someone put together in our candy-making factory. We didn't mean to actually unleash it on the world."

All that said, I took some time to try all three new varieties and compare them against the original in the hopes you won't have to do the same. Even though that's what Ashton wants you to do.

Paddy O' Poppycock


Chocolate Lovers
2 out of 5
3.1 out of 5
Peanut Butter Lovers
3.75 out of 5
Reese's Original
5 out of 5
Here's another name for this variety: "Reese's Peanut Butter Cups." That's right. I cannot for the life of me tell the difference between this and the original. Perhaps there's slightly more chocolate around the edges? The chocolate doesn't even taste different. Why would Reese's go through the trouble of creating this and not changing anything? Oh, that's right. It costs more than the original.

Why the low rating if this tastes like the original? I don't like feeling duped. Bad enough Aimee Dumont did it to me at a dance in high school and wound up dancing with her ex-boyfriend during Stairway to Heaven. I don't need no chocolate company making me feel like a chump, too.

Now this is what Reese's Chocolate Lovers should have tasted like. And this opinion has been expressed by other folks, including my fiancee who, I'll have you know, is always right.

While I didn't particularly care for the deeper, fudgier chocolate taste for this variety, at least I could tell something had changed. The chocolate/fudge really stood out, and not in an all-together bad way. But still... Fudge-flavored peanut butter cups?

Why even bother putting any chocolate in this variety? Seriously, it's 93% peanut butter. (See top photo for a better look - I did a lame job taking these individual shots.) How do you even get a super-thin layer of chocolate at bottom and partially up the sides? I think the scant chocolate is meant to make you feel that, despite what your tongue is screaming at you, you're not eating a huge patty of peanut butter and sugar. The chocolate kinda' acts like the fork-full of green beans you add to your plate during a rare-steak dinner.

On the other hand, I happen to be a huge peanut butter fan. It's what keeps bringing me back for more Reese's Peanut Butter Cups time and time again. This is just too much of a good thing, though.

Don't mess with the king.