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M&Ms M-azing (Crunchy)
OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee
Reviewed By: Paddy O'Poppycock
Location: Target (Palisades Mall - Nyack, NY)
OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK:
DESCRIPTION OF SNACK:
SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 6.95
I'm not sure why, but I wanted to dislike this product. Perhaps because I'm not a big fan of brand extension when it comes to classic candy snacks. I understand the revenue possibilities, but c'mon. Nothing in the Candy Kingdom comes close to being as simple and delicious as M&Ms. And yet, in the past few years, we've been subjected to M&M Minis, M&M Crunchy, Peanut Butter M&Ms, bags with only black and white M&Ms, Shrek-size M&Ms, Yasser Arafat-commemorative M&Ms, and the list continues.
That said, this is a solid candy bar. Its thickness sets it apart. And damn if those M&M's Minis don't do a world of good in a chocolate base. (Alone, they make me dizzy and in need of a sponge bath.) And more than anything, I love how the back of the candy bar has the Minis showing. Look, ma, it's the United Nations of candy bars.
The candy bar's chocolate is sub-par. Okay, so maybe it's the same exact chocolate that you find in M&Ms, I don't know. Still, that much M&M chocolate all at once isn't working for me.
It's probably like dating Britney Spears (pre-marriage). That first date is just awesome. She looks great, the two of you go see a movie so there are no awkward silences, and after the date you can't help but imagine her naked on a bed full of bunnies. Then she begins to email and call you constantly, going on about her day, how her hair was all frizzy coming out of the shower, how she was forced to buy two cars instead of one because she couldn't decide which shade of white she liked more... And now you're getting a full dose of Britney. What appeared like heaven in small doses is now leaving a not-so-great taste in your mouth.
Also, I'm not a big fan of the individual M&M character poses on the front. At first, I thought they added value. Then I took my first bite and couldn't help but imagine the little M&M character with the shades crying out in pain. Sorry, Joe Cool. (Note: If you look at the close-up at right, you'll notice the unfortunate placement of a red M&M behind this character's candy ass. Looks like the little guy is letting one rip. Fire in the hole!)
M&Ms does packaging right. No complaints.
DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):
Definitely. A good snack to break up the routine. Will this become a snack staple? Nope. For the simple reason that M&Ms Plain and M&Ms Peanut are snack staples. And who has room for three M&M staples in their lives?
Read Sir Snackalot's review of this snack
No. For a spin-off product to be amazing, it's going to need to wake up early and make me breakfast before mowing the lawn and delivering me my mail in a Hummer. Now, if there was no such thing as an M&M candy in the marketplace and this product suddenly hit shelves, I'd be mighty impressed. But I still wouldn't call it amazing. "Better than Gigli," maybe, but not amazing.
You know, the more I think about it, you have to be either super cocky or really stupid to name your snack after an adjective like "amazing." That's like naming your film about humpback whale sightings in Hawaii starring Mario Van Peebles and George Wendt "The Big Flop." You're just welcoming harsh criticism.
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