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Basil's Bavarian Bakery Low Fat Animal Snackers
OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee
Reviewed By: Paddy O'Poppycock
LOCATION: Vending Machine, Colorado (found by Candyman)
OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK:
DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: Light brown cookies in the shapes of various wildlife, such as lions, hippos, tigers, elephants and Paris Hilton.
SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 9.75
UPSIDE: There's so much to love about Basil's Animal Snackers. For starters, they're called "Snackers."
And then there's the taste. These cookies are damn delicious. Sweet, but not too sweet. And low in fat. (Although, to be fair, this is true of most animal crackers not made of real animal.) There's a hint of honey so tasty it makes you realize that if real hippos and tigers tasted this good, we'd be living in a planet devoid of wild safari animals.
Animal Snackers give your teeth a workout, as well. They're in no way soft, but not so brittle as to make you add your dentist to the ol' cell phone quick dial. Crunchy and solid, just the way the gods intended them.
Finally, you don't feel all gross and achy after eating a bag. Full, yes. But despite the 330 calories you've just ingested, you're left feeling like you've enjoyed a delicious, not-bad-for-you snack.
FIRST FOUR INGREDIENTS:
Like Steven Spielberg films, threesomes with
Tara Reid, and apple butter, there was just no
way Animal Snackers could live up to the hype. Never have we seen a
greater or more positive outpouring of comments regarding one snack here at WASAW Headquarters than for these animal cookies. The Pope doesn't get this
much love on Christmas morning.
Was this snack really good? Yes. Great? For animal crackers, yes. In fact, they've received the highest SSI Rating within the animal cookie genre, narrowly surpassing Barnum's Animal Crackers (reviewed by Sir Snackalot back in 1999).
And yet, they still fall just short of a perfect 10. Why? They're so damn difficult to find. When you've got something this good, you owe it you your customers to make it more readily available. Vending machines just don't cut it. A snack website written by 30-somethings shouldn't be the primary source of info regarding a snack this good.
No real complaints. Dark blue certainly stands out. But you feel like Basil's came up with the look of the bag from day one and said, "That's our bag design, and we're sticking to it."
DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):
Yes, if you can find it. And, oh look, your good friend Paddy O' Poppycock is going to make it easy for you. For those who live east of Colorado or don't have access to a vending machine, you can order Animal Snackers online. In bulk. At a coffee website, no less. Click here to get yourself some Animal Snackers!
HOW WOULD YOU IMPROVE THIS PRODUCT?
Make it more readily available to the masses. (Although I've just done that, above.)
NOW THAT YOU'VE WRITTEN THIS REVIEW, DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL STILL GET CONFUSED AND THINK WASAW ACTUALLY MAKES ANIMAL SNACKERS?
As funny as that sounds, we've received more than a few emails from people who compliment us on our fine Animal Snacker product and ask us how they can buy some direct. This, because we referenced this hard-to-find snack in our Reader Email section a while ago. It was enough to get us listed prominently on search engines when web surfers search for this snack. Now that we've written this snack review, we'll likely be listed even higher. So yes, we'll be getting more emails. And yes, we're going to start accepting credit card numbers from such web novices and use those numbers to buy cool stuff like pizza stones and mutual funds. Also, Paris Hilton crackers.
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