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Hostess Chocolicious WonkaCakes
OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned by WASAW
Snack Committee
Reviewed By: Paddy O'Poppycock Location: A&P, West Milford, NJ OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 4.4 UPSIDE: The bright purple color actually scares away deer and other woodland animals. I have fourteen of these boxes posted around the perimeter of my house. My backyard is free of animals, but I keep having to free little fat kids from my electric fence. DOWNSIDE: It's not until you attempt to "taste purple" by nibbling on the cupcake frosting or licking the creamy center do you realize that not only don't you taste purple, but that you really don't taste much of anything. Some sort of sugar-based substance perhaps, but that's about it. Funny, because while eating a normal Hostess cupcake, you just plow into one, assume it's yummy, then stare at the residue left stuck to the small cardboard square the cupcake sat on, awaiting its fate. But actually TRY and identify a taste, and your senses awaken to the fact there's just nothing here. |
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PACKAGING:
Hey - it is what it is. There's no missing the fact that Hostess has turned over one of its best known snacks to the Charlie & The Chocolate Factory craze that is likely to last about as long as one of these snacks cakes in your digestive track. That said, Hostess does a great job with fonts and colors in its packaging. Everything pops nicely, and is seldom busy. You look at the box above and there's a lot going on, yet it's balanced and laid out well.
Which doesn't mean a thing when young kids take one look at Johnny Depp in that outfit and get such a shock they never open their family's snack pantry again.
DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):
No. Snacks like these are full of unhealthy things you don't want to know about anyway, why then choose purple as your angle, about as unnatural a color as you'll find. Oh, wait, that's right. Kids love the crazy colors. .
WHAT DID YOU SAY BACK IN 1998 WAS THE ONE ROLE YOU WOULD PLAY ON STAGE IF GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY?
A fluffy cat.
THE OTHER ROLE.
Oh - Willy Wonka! Yes, sorry. Willy Wonka. Not a cat. Nope.
DO YOU ACT?
No, not at all. At least not since the first grade. So, technically, I do act, but I'm on a 28-year-and-counting sabbatical.
