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Limited Edition Superman Crunch Cereal
OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW
Snack Committee
Reviewed By: Paddy O'Poppycock Location: Stop & Shop; Yonkers, NY OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: Limited Edition Superman Crunch Price: $2.99 (on sale) DESCRIPTION OF SNACK:
Box loudly exclaims, "Superman Shield Shapes Turn Milk BLUE!" Apparently, this is a good thing. At least for kids. Those
of us over 20 remember when skim milk used to have this blue tint to it that induced the gag reflex. Fortunately, the blue milk
trick, while disturbing, is acceptable because the Man of Steel surely must have signed off on this when selling his soul to
Quaker, and the Man of Steel would never betray our trust. What the box doesn't tell you is that this blue thing works both ways -
not only do the shields turn the milk blue, but the milk turns the shields blue. Like a Superman Shield pregnancy test. SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 5.3 UPSIDE: If you like Cap'n Crunch cereal, there's no reason you won't like Superman Crunch. (Maybe not as much, but you won't go crying to mom with a bleeding tongue or anything.) Also, enjoy 25% Less Sugar. Than what, you ask? Than Cap'n Crunch's Original Crunch Berries. Which, sure, is kinda' like saying "Katie Holmes: now 25% less screwed up!" and then reading "than husband Tom Cruise." But hey, your eye is quickly diverted by the Superman Crunch game on the back of the box, filled with fun facts, movie photos, and a sweepstakes where you could win Uno cards. Oh - the price is nice, cheaper than regular Cap'n Crunch. Although I found it on sale. Odd for something that is "limited edition." You would have thought the Blue Milk trick alone would be worth the normal asking price. |
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DOWNSIDE:
For starters, the red Superman Shield tastes like... well, nothing really. Actually, no, that's not quite right. It has a mild bleached oat-meets-overdone-marketing flavor. Wow, I guess it really could have used that "S" in the center.
One might guess that a younger child seeing this cereal box might be lead to believe that eating Superman Crunch will give them super powers far beyond the ability to turn milk blue with artificial food coloring. I'm here to tell you that even with the sugar rush experienced after eating a bowl of Superman Crunch, I was unable to see through walls, catch bad guys, or even get lucky with my wife.
Also, one might argue that Superman looks like a real tool punching through a large piece of red asteroid food stuff on the front of the box. Because while I didn't gain any superpowers by eating Superman Crunch, even I can destroy a two foot wide pink piece of sweetened corn & oat cereal boulder.
PACKAGING:
Busy, busy, busy. And as mentioned in the "Downside" area above, Superman is reduced to a guy who has to save mankind from a large falling piece of pink cereal. What, is Elton John attacking Metropolis?
DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):
No, I would skip it. Even that Superman kiss-ass Jimmy Olsen would agree.
Growing up, I thought Superman was way cool. But I don't remember running around pretending to be him. I do remember trying to be like Shazam!, though. I was such an odd kid. But believe you me, if Quaker comes out with a Shazam! cereal, I'll be first in line.
