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OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee
Reviewed By: Paddy O'Poppycock Location: Some kiosk at Woodbury Commons, NY (Outlet stores) OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: PRICE: $1.00 DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: Have you seen ads for the new Wayans brothers film, White Chicks? Dreadful looking, isn't it? Well, the Pina Colada Almond Joy is the White Chicks of candy. It still looks like an Almond Joy, kinda'. But it's not only the wrong color, it just looks like it's trying to be something it isn't, nor should ever be. Something's just wrong. (For the record, the Pina Colada Almond Joy can out-act a Wayans brother.) SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 4.8 UPSIDE: The Pina Colada taste is very light. Almost not noticeable. I like white chocolate, so I'm game in that department. "Limited Edition" on the wrapper gives one hope this will be gone by the MLB All-Star Break. DOWNSIDE: An American classic has been bastardized - and for what, Pina Colada? Was this Peter's or Paul's idea? Holy crap, did they really think this was going to be the flavor that turned things around for the company? Sure, as a novelty item, it's a fun idea. But in this case, I've just got to believe that fun doesn't grab market share, encourage repeat purchases, or pay the bills. It makes you say, "Wow, I'm eating an Almond Joy that tastes mildly like a Pina Colada beverage with an Almond Joy jammed into it." |
Images stolen from a random message board. |
1ST 4 INGREDIENTS:
White chocolate
Corn Syrup
Coconut
Sugar
LAST 4 INGREDIENTS:
Egg Whites
Soy Lecithin
Sodium Metabisulfite
Sulfur Dioxide
PACKAGING:
The little pineapple and coconut images next to each other make me think of some disgusting jelly-filled old lady's treat from the 1930s. I don't see a large number of American men reaching for this candy at your local Walmart. Unless they're using it as part of a visual gag with their buddies.
DO I RECOMMEND YOU TRY THIS YOURSELF? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):
I took one for the team on this one. The candy tastes fine, it really does. It's interesting. But it's nothing that is going to change your snacking habits. You're not going to wake up tomorrow saying, "Toss out the Snickers and Poppycock - Pappa's got a brand new addiction. Pina Colada Almond Joys!" So while I don't recommend buying one, I do recommend trying one. Get your friend to buy one for you.
DIDN'T YOU ONCE INTERVIEW THE GREAT-GRANDDAUGHTER OF A PETER PAUL FOUNDER?
Yes, and I'm sure she is now in hiding.
HOW CAN THE PRODUCT BE IMPROVED:
Market it as some 10-year-old's science fair project, sell what's left of "limited edition" candy bars on eBay, give money to school charity, and then don't speak of this ever again.
