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OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee
Reviewed By: Paddy O'Poppycock Location: A&P - West Milford, NJ OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: PRICE: Oops. (Gotta' remember to keep the receipt.) DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 3.9 UPSIDE: These "candy bars" come in the perfect size. They're just big enough to satisfy your hunger, and with 11 in a bag, they're great for sharing. DOWNSIDE: Yuck. How the heck could Toll House screw this up? The premise is so ingenious that one TV commercial had me literally off the couch and on the road to the A&P. Candy bars with "chewy cookie" in the center? Einstein's theory of relativity wasn't this good. Let me explain what's wrong - the candy bars' cookie dough is packed so tightly, it feels as dense as concrete and tastes even worse. Way too compact. The label says "Soft and Chewy Cookie." It is neither. Oh, and there's a layer of caramel. Why?! It is TOTALLY unnecessary. You've already got cookie dough with chocolate chips dipped in a thick layer of chocolate with more chocolate morsels on top. C'mon, why go and add caramel to the mix? It actually gives what should be an amazing treat a salty, almost bitter aftertaste. I hadn't been this excited to try a snack since my mom returned from a trip to Boston when I was in the fourth grade and announced she had just had the greatest ice cream ever - it was called Cookies & Cream. And months later when such a treat made it to my hometown, mom was right. IT was terrific and lived up to the hype. Obviously, Toll House didn't make it. |
1ST 4 COOKIE INGREDIENTS:
LAST 4 COOKIE INGREDIENTS:
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PACKAGING:
Wow, there's a lot going on here. It starts out all right with the trusted Nestle Toll House logo complete with cute house illustration and the trademark "Since 1939" dateline. Then it has a tough time trying to decide the real priority when it comes to the name of the product. Is it "Candy Bars" or "Soft and Chewy Cookie"? But hey, I like the falling morsels - one has splashed into one of the candy bars. Weeee! Predominant yellow background pops nicely. Overall, a bit busy, but you notice it.
DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):
No. I have this character flaw - I don't share my snacks. I'm not at all a selfish person in other aspects of my life, but I tend to avoid sharing snacks, especially sweets. Well, I'll have you know I couldn't wait to give these away. And every time I did, the victim had the same reaction: disbelief that the candy wasn't better.
Now, these aren't spit-it-out bad in the least. They taste like Carnation breakfast treats your mom gave you when you were in danger of missing the school bus and hadn't finished your cereal yet. They just have so much potential, and they haven't reached it. They're the [insert name of any Syracuse Orangeman basketball player who went on to play in the NBA] of snacks.
IF NESTLE REMOVES THE CARAMEL LAYER WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO TRY THIS SNACK AGAIN?
Unlikely. The sans-caramel version would certainly be an improvement, but let's face it... you can cut off Pauley Shore's hair but he's still going to be an ass. Whatever that means.
