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Hershey's Kisses Mini-Cookies: Confetti Sprinkles
OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee
Reviewed By: Paddy O'Poppycock
Location: Holiday Gift Basket
OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: Hershey's Kisses Mini-Cookies: Confetti Sprinkles
DESCRIPTION OF SNACK:
Let's put this another way. A company known entirely for its chocolate, and in particular for a little dab of chocolate that looks like a teardrop the second it hits the floor, has gone to the trouble of creating a cookie to mimic said chocolate dab shape, added sprinkle pieces throughout the cookie, and felt like this was enough to call it a Hershey's Kisses cookie. Even though Kisses are made of chocolate and this cookie has as much chocolate as it has sulfuric acid or its own MySpace page. It's like Coca-Cola shoving a dead muskrat in its classic bottle and calling it Coca-Cola Classic with Confetti Muskrat.
SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 6
What's important now, though, is that one of the type of cookies I sold came in a nice metal spherical tin, inside of which were dozens and dozens of tiny butter cookies in the shape of what I then called "Hershey Kiss-like." They were tiny, mini-cookies if you will. And I couldn't get enough of them. My mom ordered two tins, my grandmother two more, and when all the cookies were delivered to our school for us to distribute, the manufacturers accidentally shipped an extra box of these butter mini-cookies to our class. I somehow convinced the teacher to give me four tins.
That was in 1982. I haven't had those cookies since. Until now. These Hershey Kisses Mini-Cookies are practically exact replicas. Only with sprinkles.
Unfortunately, Hershey's Kisses mini-cookies, while they look like my favorite fifth grade cookies, don't taste as good. I'm not sure why, but I'm blaming the sprinkles. And my poor memory.
Ah, but I still can't get past why these cookies are even on the market. They taste fine, sure, but certainly are not memorable. If Josie of Josie and the Pussycats was a Hershey Kiss, the Pussycats are the Hershey Kisses Mini-Cookies with Confetti Sprinkles.
The Hershey's Kisses Mini-Cookies packaging is as misleading as a Publishers Clearing House $10 Million "you may already be a winner" sweepstakes mailing in the hands of bankrupt pig farmer after a tornado has passed through town. Here's an idea - let's not only mislabel this tiny butter cookie as a Hershey Kiss cookie, let's put a HUGE Hershey Kiss chocolate image on the package so customers believe there must be tons of chocolate in these cookies. A Hershey Kiss so big, it looks like the black monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey - the mini-cookies dancing around it representing the apes seeking greater knowledge, truth, and delicious marketing savvy.
DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):
Recommend it? No. Invite you try it for yourself? Sure. Just go into it with your eyes wide open, knowing there's no chocolate and no reason whatsoever to refer to this cookies as a Hershey Kiss cookie.
Yeah, great question. Who named these sprinkles - Rupert Everett?
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