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Atkinson's Chick-O-Stick
OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee
Reviewed By: Paddy O'Poppycock Location: Le Gourmet Chef PRICE: $.35 OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: FIRST FOUR INGREDIENTS: SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 6.75 |
Image borrowed from Walgreens.com |
UPSIDE:
Chick-O-Stick is a non-messy candy stick that provides you with all the goodness of the insides of a Butterfinger - albeit without some of the moistness. (If you're scratching your head and asking, "What moistness?" it's not until you eat a Chick-O-Stick that you realize there's something moist-like about a Butterfinger's corn-flake crumbly insides.) It has a pleasant taste, and even a smaller "stick" (I tried the .7 ouncer) stays with you for a while.
Other positives: Chick-O-Stick is fun to say. Parents can feel safe giving their child a Chick-O-Stick when said child begs for a cigar in order for to impersonate Groucho Marx. (Note: There is no proof that any child has tried to impersonate Groucho Marx since at least 1975, but if one did decide to try, Chick-O-Stick would be your #1 fake cigar choice.)
DOWNSIDE:
Do we really need a candy bar in the shape of a small stick that tastes like the insides of a Butterfinger and looks like a rounded Zagnut?
Note: Like a Butterfinger or Zagnut, a Chick-O-Stick's sugary goodness immediately fuses to the nooks and crannies in your molars. How fast does this happen? Like Tara Reid attacking a bartender the second she realizes neither of her hands is holding a drink and it's already half-past noon.
PACKAGING:
Old-time burger-and-milkshake joint font, clear plastic. "Atkinson's" logo is in a big yellow star that looks like it was lifted from the original Battle of the Network Stars logo, then K-Martized. (The star is for Texas, where Atkinson's is headquartered.)
DO I RECOMMEND YOU TRY THIS YOURSELF? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):
If you're living your life by the "so many types of candy in the world, so few unclogged arteries left" rule of thumb, I think it's safe to say you can skip the Chick-O-Stick. But you and I both know that if you were handed a candy called Chick-O-Stick and you had never tried it, well... you're going to try it. And you'll be satisfied. I'm just telling you that chances are, you're not going to feel the urge to go out of your way to find it again.
HOW CAN THE PRODUCT BE IMPROVED:
Chick-O-Stick has been the way it is for a good long while. (Since 1955 - prior to that, the candy was known as "Chicken Bones.") So outside of dipping this in chocolate - which then makes it a round Butterfinger - I say leave well enough alone. Enough folks love this confection, who am I to say otherwise? But seriously, Atkinson's, consider the chocolate dipping thing.
HOW DID CHICK-O-STICK GET ITS NAME?
For the official answer, I direct you here for Atkinson's answer. Trust me, it's rather uninspired. (No one really knows.)
Personally, I think Atkinson's needs to make up some crazy story for how this name came to be. Maybe something involving Elvis, a poultry farm, and smooth moonshine. Or maybe, instead, President Eisenhower, a poultry farm, and smooth moonshine.
