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Cadbury Curly Wurly

OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee

Reviewed By: Paddy O'Poppycock Location: Unknown - given as a gift OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: Cadbury Curly Wurly WEIGHT: 2 oz. DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: Slightly smaller version of the Marathon Bar - a legendary candy bar made of braided caramel "wicker" dipped in milk chocolate that disappeared from the face of the earth in 1981. It was known largely for its red wrapper and yellow ruler printed on the back of the package. The Curly Wurly bar is not as long, not as braided, and not as good. But we'll take it. SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10):  6.3 UPSIDE TO CURLY WURLY: Ever lose a pet as a child? Traumatic. I remember when my family dog-sat my grandparents' Golden Lab when I was about eight years old. His name was CB. He was part of a litter from a dog owned by Bruce Jenner - a family friend at the time - and perhaps the only dog I ever truly loved. Then the crazy bastard decided to sprint across the busy road in front of my house and got hit by a pickup truck. (CB got hit. Not Bruce Jenner. Although Jenner's plastic surgery would make you think otherwise.) I won't go into the gruesome details. How I saw CB get hit, how I went screaming for my mom at the time, how we later buried CB  in one of my mother's finest tablecloths, because, she said, "CB was a truly special dog." Which made me feel a little better. But I still missed him. Until my parents brought home Penny, a Golden Lab puppy just for my brother and me. Anyway, here's my point. When the Marathon Bar was pulled from shelves in 1981, my favorite candy bar was suddenly ripped from my life forever. And like CB, I had trouble saying good-bye. Until I discovered Curly Wurly. Sure, it will never replace the Marathon Bar, but it's solid enough to remind me of the good times shared with the original those many years ago. Is Curly Wurly here for good? Gosh, I hope so. Penny was hit by a car less than a year after we got her.

Image borrowed from SweetieBag.com Buy Curly Wurly!

DOWNSIDE TO CURLY WURLY:

For starters, I had to write about childhood pets who were hit by autos in order to find something positive to say about Curly Wurly. The candy bar ain't bad at all, it's quite delicious actually. It just feels mass produced to look remotely similar to what it's replacing - a legend. Which is something like Wally Pipp replacing Lou Gehrig, rather than the other way around.

To be fair, the Marathon Bar was pulled due to lack of sales. So perhaps it wasn't quite the legend my memory tells me. But Marathon never did anything to make me believe it wasn't braided candy from God. So I shall remain blissfully naive and eat Curly Wurly simply for nostalgic reasons my therapist doesn't understand.

PACKAGING:

I'm a big Cadbury fan, and that extends to their British packaging. Granted, it can be a bit stodgy at times, but I'm fine with that... we could use more stodgy in this crazy world we share with Paris Hilton. Curly Wurly's packaging, though, is not only the opposite of stodgy, it looks like it played host to a Crayola week-long orgy.
 

DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):

Yes. For the simple fact that you probably don't remember the Marathon Bar. Without that emotional baggage, you're going to enjoy Curly Wurly and all it's perfectly placed "braids." Taking short-cuts is the 21st Century way, so enjoy. You deserve it.

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