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Cadbury Creme Egg

OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee

Reviewed By: Paddy O'Poppycock Location: A&P OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: Cadbury Creme Egg DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: Cadbury and its scientists went through the trouble of actually creating a super-sweet confectionary center that looks like egg white and yellow yolk. The candy center's consistency entirely depends on any number of factors - freshness, temperature at which the Creme Egg is stored, nearby police activity, and Cher's mood. Depending on these factors, your Creme Egg center can be oozing deliciousness or take on more of a fudge glob of goodness. SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10):  9.8

Image borrowed from Amazon

UPSIDE:

I'm fairly certain you could go out and win a marathon after eating an entire Creme Egg. Or, at the very least, tackle a small porcupine without feeling its prickles pierce your skin. There's that much sugar in one of these candies. Wonder why Mark McGwire was so tight-lipped about his steroid use? It's because he didn't use steroids. For the second-half of his career, he was on Creme Eggs.

Why is this the perfect Easter candy? Consider for starters the thickness of the milk chocolate shell. Good golly, man, if Montreal's Olympic Stadium dome had been built this well the Expos may still be there. I once threw a Cadbury Egg at a brick wall (actually, I was throwing it at my brother and missed), and - no joke - the Creme Egg knocked over the wall. Yet still stayed soft enough for me to sink my teeth into it minutes later.

Easter is all about Jesus rising from the dead and scaring the hell out of his disciples who had moved on after his death to selling Chicklets to tourists. But sometimes I wonder if God was just a real forward-thinker. My guess is He convinced Christians to celebrate "Easter" to lay the groundwork so that hundreds of years later when candy manufacturing had finally evolved, He could share his second greatest gift with us - the Cadbury Creme Egg.

DOWNSIDE:

1. Why focus on selling these only around Easter? Do chickens stop laying eggs the rest of the year?
2. There's no warning label telling adults over 30 years of age not to eat one of these after 11pm. It's now 1am, I have work tomorrow, and I'm still bouncing around like Robin Williams in a jazzercise class on the surface of the sun.
3. Has anyone ever peeled off a Creme Egg wrapper in fewer than 218 pieces? And then when you're finally done removing the foil confetti from the candy, you're left with a sticky chocolate egg and no full wrapper to set it down upon. Animals!
    

PACKAGING:

See #3 above. I think wrapper technology has advanced in the past twenty years that we should expect more from Cadbury.

I originally gave this snack a 10, then realized the packaging issues deserve at least a .2 deduction. (If that makes me the Canadian judge of Snack Reviews, so be it.)
 

DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):

Yes. Just ask yourself WWJE? What (Easter Candy) Would Jesus Eat?