OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT

Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee

Reviewed By: Paddy O' Poppycock Location: Vending Machine OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: Austin Quality ZOO Animal Crackers PRICE: $.40 WEIGHT: 2.125 oz. DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: The crackers are in the shape of Zoo animals. SNACK LOOKS LIKE: Take a wild guess. SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 6.85 UPSIDE: Warm fuzzy feelings, the perfect amount of sweetness in each cracker, plenty to share with friends, the only time stable, sane people can feel good about biting the head off a camel or lamb. DOWNSIDE: Got milk?

1ST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Enriched Wheat Flour
Sugar
Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil
Corn Starch

LAST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Baking soda
Soy Lecithin
Natural Flavors
Spice

PACKAGING:

Blue bag with small see-through clear area, and some yellow lettering for popping of words and phrases that marketing thinks are key. Nice, but it ain't no easy-to-carry cardboard box with painted zoo animals sitting quietly in their cages, I'll have you know.

DO I RECOMMEND YOU TRY THIS YOURSELF? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):

(If you haven't tried them by now, you need to seek counseling and then ask your parents why they robbed you of a proper childhood.) This particular brand is not as good as I remembered Zoo animal crackers to be, but damn if it isn't one of the best deals for the money I've found in any vending machine.

WHICH SOUTH PARK CHARACTER WOULD LIKE IT BEST?:

Stan's Uncle Jim. With so many crackers inside one bag, it's like, well, shooting animals in a zoo.

HOW CAN THE PRODUCT BE IMPROVED:

It's not always easy to tell what each cracker is supposed to be -- one, in particular, somehow looks like a polar bear, a pig, a hippo and Delta Burke all at the same time.

 

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