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OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee
Reviewed By: Kid Nougat
OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK:
DESCRIPTION OF SNACK:
SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 3
Image stolen from
1ST 4 INGREDIENTS:
LAST 4 INGREDIENTS:
Red. That’s pretty much all there is to say about it. “Vienna Fingers” is knocked out in white (in a nice font). Cute little Keebler logo in the corner. Talk about phoning it in! Hey Vienna Fingers, the box just called - it wants you to think outside of it!
DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):
Well, if you’re Catholic, this could be a cool substitute for the blessed wafers. Just a suggestion.
WASN’T THIS SNACK THE 1974 WORLD SERIES MVP WITH THE OAKLAND A’S ?
Close. That was ROLLIE Fingers, not Vienna. Rollie, a kick-ass reliever with a kick-ass handlebar moustache, would often enter a game as early as the fifth inning! He’d throw as many as 130 innings in a season. Take THAT, Mariano Rivera!
WHY VIENNA? WHAT’S THE CONNECTION?
I’m not sure. A woman from Vienna once gave me the finger, which was rude. That’s the best connection I’ve got. (For actual research, including charts and graphs, contact Figaroo.)
WHY DID BRITNEY SPEARS GET MARRIED AGAIN?
Because Kevin Federline is a smooth dude in a loose mood. (So? Let’s hear YOU answer that question.)
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