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OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee

Reviewed By: Kid Nougat Location: Propeller plane flight from Denver to Hayden, Colorado OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: Snyder’s of Hanover Mini Pretzels PRICE: FREE! (Unless you count the cost of the flight, in which case these are grossly overpriced pretzels.) WEIGHT: 0.5 oz. DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: Teeny tiny pretzels, roughly measuring an inch across. Kinda' cute and snuggly. SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 3 (See “Downside” for an explanation of my unfairly low rating.) UPSIDE: With pretzels, you know what you’re getting. When you’re in the mood for pretzels, you just get ‘em and enjoy ‘em. What could be easier? Plus, when you get pretzels on a flight, they’re free, so what’s the problem? DOWNSIDE: I’ll tell you what the problem is!  When you get airsick on a propeller plane and throw up your snack, THAT’S what the problem is! Holy crap! Have you ever been sick on a plane? It’s the WORST. The passengers are grossed out; the gay flight attendant with the lopsided goatee snickers; it’s extremely embarrassing. Snacking’s cool and flying’s cool, but I guess you shouldn’t mix the two. (Unless you’re not the kind of lame-o who gets airsick. I expected this kind of thing from Figaroo, but from me? Never!) Editor's Note: Kid still recommends this snack. See below.

Image stolen from The Doctor Soda Company

1ST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Unbleached wheat flour
Water (Who the heck knew they put water in pretzels?)
Salt
Malt

LAST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Dextrose 
Canola Oil*
Yeast
Soda (We now know they put water in pretzels, but who the heck knew they put soda in, too?)
 

PACKAGING:

The packaging is terrific. Very rustic and traditional. Dark brown bag with ghosted light brown pretzel shapes; “Snyder’s of Hanover” proudly front and center in a sturdy font; tan and red accent colors. “America’s Pretzel Bakery Since 1909” says it all, baby. Old school charm. (For all you hard-core 1909 fans, check THIS out.)

DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):

I do recommend, I do. Despite my horrible experience, make sure you grab some Snyder’s next time you want pretzels. Solid product. Definitely better with Diet Coke, though. Grab some Diet Coke.

ISN'T THIS SNACK EROTIC?

What are you, a jackass?

HOW IS "PRETZEL" DEFINED IN THE DICTIONARY?

Like this: “A brittle or chewy glazed usually salted slender bread often shaped like a loose knot.” (I’ll bet that guy on Jeopardy knew that.)

HOW CAN THIS PRODUCT BE IMPROVED?

Diet Coke! Diet Coke! Why do you make me repeat myself!!!

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